My journey as a leader…
Jerry and Bernice were born in Chicago in 1924. They met at the USO, dated and fell in love. They were excited about life and the journey that lied ahead of them.
Two years later, they had their first child. They opened a small grocery store and worked together to make it a success. Except he was very unhappy, tormented; no none really knew why. He gets drunk daily and gambles extensively. Eventually Jerry and Bernice lose the store.
Jerry takes on a new job at O’hare airport working for Northwest Airlines while Bernice learns to type and goes to work in the typing pool International Harvester. Years pass. Jerry and Bernice have two more children. Life settles down, taking on a sort of rhythm, as they raise their family.
Still, Jerry is not content with his life. He drinks. He gambles. He has affairs. One day Jerry shows up to work drunk and is sacked from his job. No longer able to hold down a job, he uses alcohol and pills to dull the pain. He hates his life. He takes this pain out on Bernice and the children.
Yet, to the outside world, life, this family seems quite normal.
No one speaks about the screams.
No one speaks about the beatings.
No one speaks about the affairs.
No one speaks about the constant fear.
Jerry spends his days drinking straight from the bottle of whiskey next to his bed. He spends his nights with body wrenching hangovers. Bernice spends her days taking care of their family, making small amounts of money by conducting phone surveys, She swallows her pride as she stands in line for welfare and food stamps. She spends her nights nursing his hangovers and taking his verbal taunts and physical blows.
A few years pass and one day, Jerry meets a new friend at a bar. They become fast friends.
Jerry goes to work with his new friend in a gas station and for a while, life is normal, or so it seems. Then the affair with his friend’s wife begins. Jerry leaves Bernice. He leaves the woman who had stayed by his side for 25 years, putting up with his taunts and taking his blows…this woman, who he has now convinced, is nobody without him.
Leaving family behind, Jerry goes off with his new wife. There is no happy-ending for him though. His life continues to deteriorate. Jerry eventually puts an end to the misery and pain when he places a gun to his head and pulls the trigger; exiting life with the same dramatic effect as he had lived it.
Meanwhile, Bernice has still two children at home with emotional and physical wounds from many years of abuse. His words echo in her mind, “Bernice, you are nobody without me! Nobody but me will ever want you!” She has no confidence in herself. She can barely take care of herself, let alone help her children. Yet somewhere, deep inside, she finds the strength to pull herself up, to reach out, and to seek help.
She seeks guidance and counseling for her family and tries without success to make up for the years of horror. She realizes she needs to do something to support her family so she enrolls at the community college. She now spends her days taking care of her family and spends her nights attending school and studying. She learns to prepare income tax returns gets a job with a tax consulting company.
Bernice loves her children, the best she can. Her emotions fragile from the years of abuse, she works hard finds the strength to provide the trust, encouragement and freedoms they were never before allowed. Her children are filled with anger towards the situation and they channel it towards her. Yet she continues to love them unconditionally. She encourages them to look forward and not back. She tells them to build lives for themselves and not to remain prisoners of the past. Something we all know is easier said than done.
Each takes their own path and has their own struggles, ultimately coming through. A quarter century later, at 72, Bernice retired from the tax-consulting firm and she moved to be near her son and his family. Five years later, she had a stroke.
Take her home; nothing more to do, let go.
Nonsense, he would know if she were leaving, he would feel the severing of their souls.
They should not give up so easily.
A week passes. She sleeps. She wakes.
She barely knows him.
Is this it? Was he wrong?
How do you say goodbye to the one who inspired your life?
To the one who brought you through the darkest nights and loved you unconditionally.
Daily they meet, few words spoken.
They lay together, holding hands.
She opens her eyes; she smiles, they hug.
A childhood prayer she whispers,
“Goodnight, sleep tight, wake up bright, to do what’s right, before the night.”
It was worth the wait.
The sun rises, piercing through the clouds; its light shining through.
Her breath faint, her journey nearing; surrounded by family, sweet music fills the room…The angels arrive; a final breath, and her soul soars to heaven. The next day, surrounded by her children, thirteen grandchildren and great grandchild, she is laid to rest.
We all know the courage it took for this woman to reach out for help because each of us has faced own challenges in life. In the face of your challenges, sometimes you’ll not feel like you’re getting very far. She understood, it can take more than a lifetime for some.
As you live your life, I hope you’ll think of her, who after being abused and beaten down for so many years, reached out for help, and built a NEW life, for herself and her family. Along the way, she inspired a child to be so much more than she could have ever dreamed. Several years ago, Laura Nyro wrote a beautiful song that ends with these words…“And when I die, and when I'm gone there'll be, one child born, in this world to carry on.”
I am that child; she was my mother. I am her NEXT GENERATION. I am here to show you what your NEXT GENERATION can become for your sons, your daughters, and all the children who you, in your lifetime will influence. For your future and for the future of the NEXT GENERATION, I am here to tell the journey is worth it; and, to say, THANK YOU for taking being willing to take it.
A GLOBAL LEADERSHIP JOURNEY BEGINS…
My own “Leadership Without Borders” journey began in 1988. I was 29 years old and didn’t even have a passport. I met my wife Priscilla through our work together. We each owned training businesses. We decided to merge our businesses and, over time, our lives. Of course, Mom knew instantly that Pris and I were meant to be together. I was a bit slower to realize it.
When Pris and I selected our wedding date, we were faced with a key decision: where to go for our honeymoon? We both agreed the ideal place would be Europe. At the time, our company, Innovative Resources, based in Orlando, Florida, was new, profits were slim, and a trip to Europe was more of a dream than a possibility. Nevertheless, Pris has always believed in the law of attraction and simply said, “We should put it out there and something good is sure to happen.”
The next day I was teaching a computer course when a participant came up to me and asked, “Would Innovative Resources be willing to consider a barter agreement?” She explained that she worked for an international airline. “We would like to attend more courses, but our budgets are rather tight just now. How about we trade? We could take a few computer courses with your company in exchange for credit toward travel on our international airline.” I know this sounds bizarre, but it really happened!
The day after our wedding, November 18, 1989, passports in hand, Pris and I boarded our international flight. We landed in Luxembourg, stepped off the plane, and walked to the immigration desk, where I proudly handed over my shiny new passport to the immigration officer. Thirty seconds later, I had my very first international travel stamp! Two tattered passports, more than 150 stamps, and eight visas later, I have had the opportunity to visit and/or work in 38 countries, many of which we continue to return to.
Each new country, each new encounter, offers a unique opportunity. Knowing how to maximize those opportunities is what separates the best global leaders from the rest of the pack.
Each place I go, I take with me the lessons from my mother, Bernice Ruth Cohen.
- Reach out to those in need. Share your life and your love.
- Change a life one person at a time because the problems of the world are too large for one person to handle alone.
- Never give up on anyone. No matter how things appear everyone deserves a second, third, fiftieth chance.
- Forgiveness of others frees your soul.
- Treat everyone with equal respect.
- Do NOT forget where you came from.
- Learn from every experience and from every encounter.
- Make every attempt to make life easier for the next generation.
- Do not be afraid. You are worthy.
- Say a daily prayer… “Please let me have a good night, so I can sleep tight, wake up bright, do what’s right before the night.”
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